The Roots of Weight Gain

So here's my weight stats as of this morning:

Highest Weight: 270 Sleeved Weight: 263 Current Weight: 206 Goal Weight: 160-170ish

Surgery date: July 28th, 2015

I've been very busy lately with school and getting into finals, etc and the weight just keeps falling off! But I've also noticed I'm being too lax with my junk food eating, which happens most when I'm on the run and eating. So even though the weight is still coming off, I need to curb my junk eating, though I am still making excellent "meal" choices when I'm eating my mini meals. I'm just adding too many not excellent "snack" choices.

I'm making a greater effort to examine the motivations or causes of my weight gain and through awareness, change my mentality and the way I think about food. So as one of these observations, I've noticed food is a huge way I express "love" to people. I love cooking for others but I also love spoiling people (my fiancee) with surprise junk food and stuff I know he likes. This has been a hard one for me to curb because I grew up with a mom who did the same for us. Our family had a lot of struggles but she'd always supply us with junk food we loved and it was one of the few ways she expressed she "loved us." I know how distorted that sounds, because IT IS, but it's part of my upbringing. So I need to address this because my fiancee is even heavier than I am and he is trying so hard to lose weight and my attempts to "love him" are sabotaging him and myself! Just wanted to vent and share with others who might get what I'm going through. It's amazing how much this surgery has revealed to me underneath the surface. I'm not ashamed and sad about it anymore, just trying to use my new information and discoveries to augment my behavior and make more conscious choices.

In GREAT news however, if I maintain 2-lb loss each week, I'll easily be in ONEDERLAND by the end of the year! That'll be my first HUGE milestone.

I'm going to make a mini-list of non-food related rewards that I can use to motivate myself:

1. Getting my nails done/pedicure

2. Going to shows/concerts (I'm going to see Amy Schumer on New Year's!)

3. Making a deposit on a sleeve tattoo I want

4. Buy myself a cute pair of shoes or boots

5. Plan a special night out with friends

6. Plan a weekend getaway with my fiancee

7. Get a voice coach and singing lessons

8. Schedule a boudoir photo shoot

These are just a few but I want to maybe come up with a system where I can earn "stars" towards rewards for myself! It sounds silly but after the novelty of surgery wears off, you have to find ways to positively reinforce yourself to keep up the momentum. Here's a cool article about doing that:

I've also sold two batches of clothes for a total of $250. That money has gone towards buying replacement clothes and the process continues! I still have bras that need to be sold and I'm living in sports bras because those are too expensive to replace with every dropped size.

This was the beautiful view we saw during our hike this weekend in the Olympic Forest on the Crestline trail. Gotta take the time to look around you or you'll miss all the amazing beauty life has to offer!